unfinished apology

Dear __________________,

This may come as a surprise that I am writing you, in fact it is a surprise to me as well. This letter, the intentions of this letter are the following, and please don’t misread into any of this- and if you think this letter is about you, well it probably isn’t but in some mistaken course of your insecurities it applies to you.  (Sorry for the run on sentence.)

When I knew you, you and I were completely different people than we are today. We had something in common, we had something that we stood for, and most of all we had something that bonded us together, love. The idea of love is a silly thing, in fact now that we are older we have realized that love is actually some superficial concept that is spoon fed to us as children, brainwashes us in adolescence, and as adults it has screwed us up and over time and time again. When I knew you, you were less confident, hidden and some how you were able to live a life where you were constantly lying to yourself, and hiding who you really were. We can’t go back and make up for that lost time, but you are different now. I hardly even recognize you now. I wanted to say I am sorry, sorry that I abandoned you in your moment of need, and that we didn’t reconnect until much later. Part of me feels, that if we had stayed together, well you and I wouldn’t have become the adults we are today. This morning I looked into the mirror, the same mirror that you used to look at yourself before you went off to school – and I realized how much time has passed. Time that has been forgotten, captured, and spent together. I don’t know exactly what you do now, or how you think- I can barely even recognize you anymore. I guess this is life. 

More importantly, I am writing to apologize to you. Somewhere down the line, I have hurt you. I stood in your way to becoming great, and I stood in the way of your success, but I know better now- so I am stepping aside. I have met your circle of friends and I can tell that you at least seem happy with them. In your old life, you were always happy with you friends, but now I can see- that you are really happy. It is funny, some of them have transitioned into your adulthood, and others you can barely even remember their names and faces. I can tell you something about your friends, and now that you are all older you will realize, that friends really do come and go, but you have to live with yourself forever. The same goes for lovers. It’s sad but it is true. When I saw you the other day, I realized that you are a completely different person, and you are wonderful and beautiful in every respect. I wish I had stayed around and gotten to know the real you–

Well regardless, 

Best of luck in the new year.

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