A Second Chance…

What if life gave you a second chance at love, a love that never got to come into existence, that never really had a chance, and the timing was all wrong…  Would you take it? I hope so. I am.

Everything I have learned over the past 8 years has gone out the door, and it has been the best thing ever. It is like everything that I knew about love, relationships and men was erased from my memory and here I am- completely engulfed in the present.

If there was something that connected two people, whatever that may be- whatever it could be… it is happening. 

One day, I hope people will understand

Have you ever reevaluated your world, your lifestyle, you morality through someone else’s eyes? I recently had the opportunity to rediscover who I really was and that chance was extremely interesting.

Photo below is at Santa Monica pier taken with my iPhone with no filter or photoshop.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t on purpose but I could feel the tears constantly running down my face last night at the movie theater. The majority of the audience was over 40, but there I sat with my boyfriend, top row dead center, like I always do, crying. I don’t know if it was just one thing but the combination of the incredible actors, the brilliantly written story, and the way it was filmed- well it just triggered something inside me. 
We all are searching for something or someone at all times of our lives. It is actually kind of funny if you think about it. We search for our keys, a destination, a person, the love of our lives, we are always finding ways to complete ourselves, or make sense of life- sometimes forgetting that life is just a series of journeys and searches.

I recently got to spend an afternoon at the lake with Jorge, and we sat on the rocks watching absolutely nothing, that was nice.

Jorge and I get to do a lot of things together, and it is nice- It’s nicer when you have your boss telling you that you have to balance out your personal life with work…

But what happens when you are incredibly close to greatness?

 What happens when you are so close to achieving greatness, and fulfilling your dreams? Everything I have worked so hard for, everything that we have been waiting for is finally coming together and capturing the greatest moment of your life? For the first time ever, I feel like my life is fully together. It feels like this is the moment I have been waiting for. The moment that will define me as an individual, as a man and as a name in fashion.

I have great friends:

Work that inspires me daily:

A man that loves me:

I get to work with a woman who is greater than more talented than she will ever give herself credit for:

I just feel like the world is right.

Gaysian On The Go

So the for the past five days I have sat down and banged out a short novel, have done eight photo shoots, and have gone out numerous occasions. What the crazy part about my life, is I get to watch my life be documented on film by amazing photographer Alexandra Rose, and produce great work for SOCIAL CULTURE. This year is closing out with a bang.

Me and fellow fashion editor Ceasar Perez, preparing for our photo shoot for the winners of Raw Artists, Riverside for our upcoming issue.

Me and and Ceasar testing out our lighting for our new men’s editorial.

Test shot for Sunnymead Middle School’s Dance Team

Test shot again for another men’s editorial.

Does anyone even read this?

Lately, I have been extremely down… I feel like if I write about it- things might change for me.
My heart is broken, and the world seems to be weighing down on me. I can’t sleep at night, and when I do fall asleep it is usually preceded by tears or some emotional diarrhea that I can’t control. If you have ever been in a serious, committed, failed relationship – you know what I am talking about. Men should be like good clothes- make sure they fit, and you should have to pay much for them.
So, here I am in an ill fitting tank top, and shorts that are two sizes two big- single and alone.
I’m trying to move on, and by recommendation of a friend I have downloaded all the essentials needed for a single gay man. I sit online and scroll though these apps looking at profile after profile. Most of these men are gross- and none measure up to my ex. It is like trying to trade up a car- well at least it seems that way. I try talking to guys but most of them bore me.
I have avoided my closest friends, and I have tried to get around from talking to people about it because I’m so tired of hearing, “you deserve better” or the wonderful, “It wasn’t meant to be.” Obviously. Thank you for a slap in the face- because I know his friend’s are saying the same thing, and then the latter just makes me look stupid…
Work- work has been extremely stressful and it is taking a toll on everyone.
I love my job- i really do, and I know that it is going to have its ups and downs but it seems that all my hard work, my effort, my time, and everything I have sacrificed isn’t paying off..
There is a million things going on in the world and I feel like I have become obsessed with the lack of personal life and the dictating world of my work. I don’t know – blahhhh
sucky post. sorry.