in bed with… yellow like asian… MACHISMO

In be with… well me.
I have decided to photograph boys in bed with me and talk about sex, sexuality and relationships…

masc 4 masc.

all terms gay men use to help define their sex lives… their preferences… (please go read my post on micro aggressions here)

Well recently, I encountered a strange situation… I was basically told I wasn’t someone that their parents could respect. 
It boiled down to the fact I wasn’t latino, and I wasn’t “masculine” by latino definition…
0_0   (asian shocked face)

So, we talked about… and well it boiled down to one thing: MACHISMO.
It’s kind of a big deal in a lot of cultures. In Latino culture (which I am surrounded by) masculinity is stressed in three major areas: job, sexuality and family. So, after examining these three areas, and factoring in all of the other research I have done around gay relationships and gay men… I have come to this blog post…

If masculinity is defined by superficial appearance, by mannerisms and by sexual orientation…
Than why be gay at all? When did it become acceptable that being a good person isn’t good enough?
Well… here is what I have come to learn when dating latinos…

 being “butch” is the first deciding factor if they are into you. What is butch?
ABS, facial hair, lack of fashion, pretty boi swagg…
Ironically, no one should wear pretty boi swagg, and it is even worse when you see men in their 30’s with the hat, the plaid, the chain, the jeans, the sneakers… Unless you are Ricardo Tisci’s muse aka billionaire Kanye West… Grow up please…

Being butch also passes the question if you can pass as straight… note to self: everyone straight or gay gets their eyebrows done… no one should have a unibrow. period. But it seems, that if you have a slight arch.. you are femme. Which means we need to call the boys from Jersey Shore and inform them that they are femme gay.

Anytime we hyper-sexualize, or hyper-masculinize someone we are feeding into the original conflict that homosexuals and heterosexuals faced during the 70’s. Whether it is heterosexual or homosexual, anytime we overcompensate by hyper-sexualizing someone we are feeding the social concept that race determines sexuality… which would be wrong. Placing a stress on masculinity is just another form of sexism, just this time it is homosexual sexism? If gender roles are given based on someone’s masculinity, then we are still stuck pre women’s rights… and makes me wonder have we even made any progress as a human race?

I’m a respectable person. period.
It doesn’t matter my race, my gender role, my mannerisms, my self expression…
I don’t judge other men based on the above, I am the last one to claim masculinity- but for those of you who constantly enforce that you are masculine… what are you overcompensating for?

Thank You to the guy who posed for me… 

If you want to hop in bed with me… 
shoot me an e-mail!!

Boy: Azns are gross

Boy: Azns are gross
Me: ummm okay, then why message me?
Boy: You are asian?
Me: Yes.
Boy: that suxs
Me: Not really
This is my never ending dialogue with myself regarding race:

1. Happy moment in my life: Liu Wen is the first Asian female to walk Victoria’s Secret Annual Broadcasted Runway Show.

As Asian models are carving their way into the world of fashion, as a result of the new recent wave of Asian Designers, I feel like it is important to embrace this moment. When Hye Park graced the runway for Prada (only the second Asian Model to walk for Prada) I knew that change was among us. When the rise of Asian designers took flight, I knew that this was Asia’s chance to shine. Along with the economy, as China’s demand for luxury is skyrocketing, it only makes sense that Asian Models are going to be on the rise. As Asia represents over 1/3 of the 18 world wide publications, this is our time to shine.

2. Sad moment in my life: Once again, the gay community focuses the efforts in HIV/AIDS it neglects education, race, and identity and I am left with the following thoughts:

Today is Global AIDS awareness day, and in part the gay community uses this day to expand the passing of knowledge of HIV and AIDS to new generations, and peers. What saddens me, is on this day where AIDS, affecting the global population (both straight and gay), the idea of race comes my mind. If you are gay, and have ever visited sites like: Craigslist, Adam4Adam, Manhunt or have Apps like: Grindr, BoyAhoy, Scruff, Downlink etc etc etc- You probably have unknowingly taken a part in passive racism.

Racism exists. It has been less than 40 years since the United State fully abandoned the Jim Crow laws, and ripple affect of the passing of knowledge still exists. I recently was on Grindr and had my first experience with someone who affiliated with the Nazi belief system and had the Nazi flag tattooed to his arm. He said he didn’t have a problem with me, because I wasn’t Jewish. Regardless, it was awkward and uncomfortable.  Gay men, and others have now substituted the words racism for personal preference.  The idea of personal preference, stemming from the idea that one’s individuals thoughts, sexual attractions come from the context in which we grew up in. Sex is an instinct, so if we are born with the homosexual desire- it is a pure instinct, a raw act… problem:

We are constantly arguing if being gay is genetic or it is something we subconsciously choose. That argument will go on and on until proof among the scientific community accepts it. (Which, lets not give them too much credit as they thought African Americans and Homosexuals were their own species for a very long time, or that the world was flat) But, what we can argue is that we subconsciously develop racism through our sexual preferences. It starts with labels, labels that are spoon fed to us from an early age. The government encourages racism as it tries to label its citizens. This starts with the state’s standardized testing in which we mark our ethnicity in a little a bubble. A little bubble that will be the start of the unconscious choice of  passive racism.

Racism in education has always existed, and still to this day racial statistics in a school factors into the idea of a school’s ranking. UCI (University of Chinese Immigrants) UCLA (University of Caucasians Lost Amongst Asians), and that the top 3 school in the United States are influenced by the current student body that is more than 40% Asian. Racism in education always creates the downfall to other minorities, placing them in lower percentiles due to socioeconomic status or context. Here, in the education system we are taught that racism is wrong, yet as we move into adolescence our identity is constantly being defined for us through our education. An education that is flawed, and passive racism becomes more evident as we apply to the Higher Education system.

As we constantly are developing, as we become individuals sexuality becomes a driving force in our lives. It is always in the back of our minds and affects the way we dress, the places we go out, and for some a recreational activity or sport. What I am confused about, is how a communities that have been repressed constantly dividing themselves, based on the idea of race. Every culture has a form of racism, it may stem from a historical grudge, or current politics, but regardless- racism continues in our lives, and we neglect it. We don’t haves signs in our faces, now we just do it online, and we use the word preference, attraction and lifestyle choice.

I understand that sexual attraction is the result of context, history and culture- but it has become something that defines an individual, and by defining yourself as a particular individual embracing one’s sexuality, it just seems ironic. I have never seen so much “personal preference” among gay men, now more than ever. It is funny that gays argue humanity, and that being human is enough to justify equality- yet from one gay man to another being a human is not enough; body type, ethnicity, dick size, and the idea of masculinity and femininity are more important.

When did being a different race make you less of a person, sexually?

Trust me, I know and understand that race factors into everything… But from one gay to another, how does someone decide that a race is not good enough for them? 

So, please- if I am not good enough for you because I am Asian – remember I am a human, with a story and a history – and you don’t know how I define myself… I choose to define myself as yellow, like asian. 

flashback, flash dance, and supermen?

while I am every unsure about how many people actually read this… 

i thought about posting another blog in length… not just a snippet of goodness…

1. i recently had a flashback from middle school, and well I wasn’t the most popular kid, or the cool kid, i was still myself. maybe a little bit in denial about my sexuality, well not really- I just didn’t know better. But I had a flashback of my first day of middle school. Sixth grade… it was a rough year… I didn’t end up going to the middle school of my choice, since somehow the middle school i was assigned to had “high academic” classes… but regardless I got my schedule and homeroom for me was in the girls locker room… Luckily for me, another kid who was in the “gifted” program at our elementary school was also at this middle school and we happened to share a homeroom (J. McQuain) ,… I seriously don’t know where the hell that kid went but he was gone after like the third week of school. Anyways, I remember being at that school and remembering how I would have to live up to my brother’s coolness, my sister’s smarts, and my other sister’s popularity… trust me- it wasn’t easy… Almost every teacher already knew me through association, hell half of them were at my siblings weddings… With that being said, middle school was no easy for me… luckily i found…. 

2. flash dance… I remember while being at middle school I asked Miss Riggs, our new on faculty dance teacher, why she never pursued dance outside of college… she told me because she never was told she could… that is super depressing… I mean she didn’t have the best body type, and I never saw her really dance but still… the thought of someone telling you that you don’t have the chance in dance is horrific… trust me- it has happened to be me like 4 times… HAH! proved them wrong… anyways my thought process then led me to….

3. what if I will always be alone in life.. that I was never going to be with someone, and that feeling of insecurity and unawareness from jr high will always haunt me. As if I have an expectation of a relationship but can never actually achieve it…. Where is superman to save me when I need him?

that importance of being Asian.

I think this post will be the first post with depth and relevance… HAH!
Besides the fact that I fill my days thinking about christian louboutin…
Or the fact that I spend hours a week deciding which designer I would like to have sex with, or 
how many times can I can use the words “fierce” or “hot mess” or “that’s hot” “tranny hot mess” in once sentence for my amusement…

but… on a more intelligent note, on a non superficial plane of my existence … yes I know that is hard to believe….

I had a thought on why being Asian is so important.

1. there is a very large disconnect in the social strata between races, particularly Asians in gay world.
Gay world is governed by shallow pretenses and first appearances… hence why I am so “fierce” when I walk into work, 
or how “butch” I am when I go to the grocery store. But regardless there is an underlying separation of races among gay men.

2. the stereotypes that have been built in our main streamed heterosexual agenda… well have capitalized and 
has hyper sexualized and desexualized Asians in general. And yes, I do believe that fashion has contributed 
to this… Ethnic cool… Sensuality over sexuality. Always this mind over matter, bhuddist nonsense 
of geisha lovers and dragon ladies. (then again I know a lot of those… mostly men)

3. as much as i bitch about it… i do love being asian. even if at times it makes me unattractive. 

and lastly… the reason why it is important to be asian… well for me at least… is to be called a gaysian.