Before the first date… the RUSH

the first date.
You put on your favorite CD, specifically the song that makes you feel sexy. You plan your outfit down to your socks. You groom in all the appropriate places, and then it happens... the first date. The anticipation of the first date makes you get butterflies, and then next thing you know your hormones and aadrenaline are pumping…
But…
How does one get to the first date? It seems like technology has ruined the idea of flirting, and summer romances. Between Grindr, Jack’d and what is left of facebook have we become desensitized to romance? A good date is hard to come by, but finding the date seems even harder these days. We try to go on dates from these apps, but they rarely amount to anything but a first date and a f*ck.
the water hole…
True fact. Gay men drink and we drink well. It seems that what was once the social setting to meet guys, has now turned into the SEX and the CITY equivalent of breakfast.  We have become these cliquey little gays that go out with our friends in our Fendi, Prada and Dolce. We sit around smoking and looking, but very few will actually make the move and attempt to flirt. Why the hesitation? It is the ideal social situation right? A room of gays that are intoxicated so their gaurd is down and liquid courage kicks in?? 
There is a difference between flirting and cruising/picking up on a guy… Cruising/picking up… usually opens up with a line like… “How do you like your eggs in the morning…” or “You are hot, you. me. my place.” or even “Gimme five minutes behind the bar.Hah. These are the lines guys wish they could use.… Hahah. Or they are lines that we talk about with our friends. Then there is the ideal flirt… Charming, usually a lot of smiling goes on with this, there are butterflies and a spark
 The flirting lasts all night, and usually ends with an unusually long hug goodbye… an exchange of numbers and making plans to get together for dinner or coffee. Last night, I got to experience flirting in the ideal situation again… At first I didn’t even know it was happening, and then BAM! It hit me in the face like someone should hit Paula Abdul for releasing that new awful single. I mean the guy was cute to begin with, but he was semi-off limits because he was a friend of a friend. It was one of those situations…. BACKTRACK! I went to the W Hollywood to meet up with friends from the past, then headed off to West Hollywood where I would run into a close colleague and friend with his friends, my cousin and his friends, former Social Culture models, Louis Van Amstel, and friends from San Fran. The plan was to just go and be social and catch up with good people, and drink… I needed it after my evening.
So… as I am meeting up with my friend and his friends, I was introduced to him… lets call him… J. Everything seemed normal, the exchange of names, how we know our mutual friend, and then progressively through the night it turned into flirting... a mini date? A spiral of crazy goodness?
 Not exactly sure...    I do know this, when he touched me I got butterflies, and I even stopped smoking for the evening since he is not a smoker.  *BIG DEAL* right?
  the morning after.
work. Always work… but the thoughts rush through my head…
The polite good morning texts…
PLUS SIDE… talking to my friend to see what his version of last night was… there is always two sides of the story… and well to be frank… my flirtatious evening might just be him being genuine and a good guy... let us hope otherwise.

in bed with… yellow like asian… MACHISMO


In be with… well me.
I have decided to photograph boys in bed with me and talk about sex, sexuality and relationships…

machismo.
butch.
masc 4 masc.

all terms gay men use to help define their sex lives… their preferences… (please go read my post on micro aggressions here)

Well recently, I encountered a strange situation… I was basically told I wasn’t someone that their parents could respect. 
It boiled down to the fact I wasn’t latino, and I wasn’t “masculine” by latino definition…
0_0   (asian shocked face)

So, we talked about… and well it boiled down to one thing: MACHISMO.
It’s kind of a big deal in a lot of cultures. In Latino culture (which I am surrounded by) masculinity is stressed in three major areas: job, sexuality and family. So, after examining these three areas, and factoring in all of the other research I have done around gay relationships and gay men… I have come to this blog post…

If masculinity is defined by superficial appearance, by mannerisms and by sexual orientation…
Than why be gay at all? When did it become acceptable that being a good person isn’t good enough?
Well… here is what I have come to learn when dating latinos…

 being “butch” is the first deciding factor if they are into you. What is butch?
ABS, facial hair, lack of fashion, pretty boi swagg…
Ironically, no one should wear pretty boi swagg, and it is even worse when you see men in their 30’s with the hat, the plaid, the chain, the jeans, the sneakers… Unless you are Ricardo Tisci’s muse aka billionaire Kanye West… Grow up please…

Being butch also passes the question if you can pass as straight… note to self: everyone straight or gay gets their eyebrows done… no one should have a unibrow. period. But it seems, that if you have a slight arch.. you are femme. Which means we need to call the boys from Jersey Shore and inform them that they are femme gay.

Conclusion:
Anytime we hyper-sexualize, or hyper-masculinize someone we are feeding into the original conflict that homosexuals and heterosexuals faced during the 70’s. Whether it is heterosexual or homosexual, anytime we overcompensate by hyper-sexualizing someone we are feeding the social concept that race determines sexuality… which would be wrong. Placing a stress on masculinity is just another form of sexism, just this time it is homosexual sexism? If gender roles are given based on someone’s masculinity, then we are still stuck pre women’s rights… and makes me wonder have we even made any progress as a human race?

I’m a respectable person. period.
It doesn’t matter my race, my gender role, my mannerisms, my self expression…
I don’t judge other men based on the above, I am the last one to claim masculinity- but for those of you who constantly enforce that you are masculine… what are you overcompensating for?

Thank You to the guy who posed for me… 


If you want to hop in bed with me… 
shoot me an e-mail!!