Third time is the charm? Ending the year.

Figuring out how to move on in life, is well quite difficult. Regarding relationships, I am not one to preach as well obviously what few relationships I have had, have failed in some way or another. Not that they were a failure, it is just people grow apart, and somehow by growing apart or a horrible affair that scars us for life- we forget how to be happy. Happiness is truly a state of mind, and well to end this year, I have been happy. As all gay men who keep up with technology have Grindr installed on their iPhone- we are constantly searching for the right person. Whether they be right now, right for right now, or right for a relationship – we are all searching for Mr. Right.

As for me, I kind have given up on Mr. Right and have decided on something easier: Mr. Small Delight- someone who does subtle things to make me smile, and who generally cares for me. Even when I am a hot mess. We have all tried dating people, and they are usually the wrong person, and finally when you think you meet someone nice, genuine, or even special- there is something in us that waits, or expects that his flaws will show up at soon… End of the year dating:

1. Guy one: in theory everything was good, but then the lack of communication and the genuine lack of sincerity went away and it became nothing.

2. Guy two: you thought he was a good guy, later to find out that he is this perpetual douche bag that is so vain it would make snow white’s evil step mother look sane.

And finally, maybe the third time is really the charm: I met him off Grindr, and he his nice, tall, handsome, Hispanic, and funny. What started off as innocent conversation via grindr turned into texting, and soon and somehow it developed into a first date. Granted, we just had our first date but it was kind of amazing, besides having really great conversation (through text and over the date), he made a three course meal and homemade strawberry lemonade, and we cuddled and watched movies while drinking wine. 

This time last year I was frantically sewing, trying to get a collection together in hopes of making a strong impact in the world of fashion design, but alas the year is over and that collection never really came into fruition but SOCIAL CULTURE has. What amazes me about this idea is that this New Year’s will be the first one in 4 years that I am not spending it alone. Last year, Tacia and I drank ridiculously and the year before that I was shit faced at a bar, and the year before that I was depressed, and the year before that I was depressed and drunk with Anneva, trying to get over our exes. This year, I hope will be different…
I hope I don’t spend it shit faced. haha.
2. I get to spend it with someone who I think genuinely likes me- and hopefully tomorrow night starts my …
“Once Upon a Time…”

flashback, flash dance, and supermen?

while I am every unsure about how many people actually read this… 

i thought about posting another blog in length… not just a snippet of goodness…

1. i recently had a flashback from middle school, and well I wasn’t the most popular kid, or the cool kid, i was still myself. maybe a little bit in denial about my sexuality, well not really- I just didn’t know better. But I had a flashback of my first day of middle school. Sixth grade… it was a rough year… I didn’t end up going to the middle school of my choice, since somehow the middle school i was assigned to had “high academic” classes… but regardless I got my schedule and homeroom for me was in the girls locker room… Luckily for me, another kid who was in the “gifted” program at our elementary school was also at this middle school and we happened to share a homeroom (J. McQuain) ,… I seriously don’t know where the hell that kid went but he was gone after like the third week of school. Anyways, I remember being at that school and remembering how I would have to live up to my brother’s coolness, my sister’s smarts, and my other sister’s popularity… trust me- it wasn’t easy… Almost every teacher already knew me through association, hell half of them were at my siblings weddings… With that being said, middle school was no easy for me… luckily i found…. 

2. flash dance… I remember while being at middle school I asked Miss Riggs, our new on faculty dance teacher, why she never pursued dance outside of college… she told me because she never was told she could… that is super depressing… I mean she didn’t have the best body type, and I never saw her really dance but still… the thought of someone telling you that you don’t have the chance in dance is horrific… trust me- it has happened to be me like 4 times… HAH! proved them wrong… anyways my thought process then led me to….

3. what if I will always be alone in life.. that I was never going to be with someone, and that feeling of insecurity and unawareness from jr high will always haunt me. As if I have an expectation of a relationship but can never actually achieve it…. Where is superman to save me when I need him?